Jana Eakes: This Life We Know
Being Together While We’re Apart
Because we all miss our Fondren family, here are our Sequester Stories—a series of stories and photos by Fondren folks sharing what our “pandemic lives” are about.
Warren, Jana, and Harlow Eakes during a visit to Laurel, Miss.
It’s raining tonight, an oddly welcome experience after two weeks of being surrounded by the golden green of early summer. Warren and Harlow are inside watching a movie with Ben, and I’ve snuck out to the couch on the patio to steal a moment alone. I realize that seeking a moment alone sounds antithetical to what we are all craving – togetherness, community, the freedom to embrace one another – converse with one another – dine with one another without having to consider the lurking danger such interactions might hold. But our quarantine days (or mine, at least) have perhaps looked a little different.
My quarantine actually began in early February, when I underwent hip surgery to repair a tear. For someone as active and independent as I, being consigned to a chair for the better part of 5 weeks (yes…crutches are the worst) was sobering and very lonely. We joke that the inside of my head is a scary place to inhabit, but it’s woefully true. Ben would be off to work early, the kids shortly thereafter, and it was just me. Sitting in a chair, trying to find the desire to engage…to work through my stack of books, to catch up on writing, to do all those things I never seemed to have time for but now had no interest in. The rest of the world went on without me. So, when Spring Break came and stayed…and stayed… and became the endless and seamless transition into Summer, I think I was able to more easily transition into this odd pause that the pandemic has wrought. I was already used to the disconnect, so in a way, being surrounded by my children and their needs and adjusting to entirely different rhythms and challenges was welcome. That doesn’t mean it was always easy – it is now difficult to find moments alone, in fact. And it is still odd, and ever changing on both the intimate scale within these walls and the global as we hear news updates and stories…steps forward followed by steps back. But here, in our quiet corner of the cul-de-sac in North Madison, I am grateful for this unprecedented chance to redefine and recreate this life we know.
We found ourselves carving out and appreciating moments we previously knew only on weekends, or during vacations. Ben and I began an almost nightly ritual of sending the kids out to ride bikes or jump on the trampoline – anything, really - when he first arrived home in the evenings. This way he and I could have actual conversation, as opposed to the routine “hey honey," “what’s on tap for tonight," “what all do we have to accomplish tomorrow," “have we checked off x, y, z, etc.” talk as we both scurried around…the kind of talk that all too quickly relegates any meaningful relationship to the memory of the past. I longed for those moments, and still look forward to them. I asked him once if he was ok with carrying the sole weight of my social circle (he is). We have realized that it’s truly a beautiful thing, to expand the depth of who we are as opposed to mere ships passing in the night, exhausted from tackling those all so important things that we now can’t even recall.
And so it is with Harlow and Warren – I doubt they will ever have days again where we get to intentionally be together like this (though I hope we have learned just how wonderful it is to create those spaces). Even though there are 6 years in between them, they’ve learned to interact more tightly and closely as a unit (yes, bickering included!). It has been so fun to watch them grow, both literally and figuratively. There have been more pillow forts built, more backyard adventures, driveway tennis lessons, and more neighborhood walks (who knew that the chore of walking the dog would become something they would fight over!) than ever before. I catch myself now when I approach a change in their world as a loss to be mourned, and am instead learning to lean into the opportunities. We eagerly look forward to Family Movie Night (which is now both Friday and Saturday!), alternating who gets to pick the show – no complaints allowed! We’ve sampled everything from The Horse in the Grey Flannel Suit to Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure to The Sound of Music, and we’ve all found a way to enjoy each one. And the conversations…it’s truly amazing how open the dialogue and how perceptive the questions can be when the sense of being unhurried surrounds.
So – as I look back on the photos, it’s been a rather full journey to arrive at this current place. I suspect the days ahead will be even more so. Distance Learning, adjusting to entertaining ourselves rather than being schedule driven, missing friends but at the same time learning to appreciate the gifts of friendship even more…the awkward intimacy of worshipping as a family, instead of participating in the comfort of the larger church family and atmosphere…longing for connection yet creating more powerful connections…it’s a lot. And I am eagerly looking forward to the days of hindsight, when we look back from a 5 or 10 or even 20 year lens and say “Wow. Look what great things came out of this.” But in the meantime – I’m going to enjoy my view from the patio, knowing my loved ones are safe, praying for those who are not so fortunate as we are in our suburban bubble, and grateful for the chance to appreciate and rest in this moment.